Baptism

Recently, I was at my nephew’s christening/baptism. My family arrived about 10 minutes after it was due to start and we tried sneaking into the church, but the priest made a big deal of welcoming us and giving us order of service cards. I thought the church bit would soon be over, most christenings take about half an hour or so. Not this one. This particular man in black was in for the long haul. He explained every little line of the ceremony, every detail of the ritual. It was so tedious. He was on a mission to make sure that this audience, many of whom he correctly surmised didn’t often see the inside of a church, were going to get a proper lesson on catholic doctrine.

When it came to the bit with the godparents, he checked that they were both catholics, right there! He told a witty tale of a confirmation he’d attended where one of the children’s sponsors admitted before the ceremony to being a…(conspiratorial whisper) atheist. He made a face like Wallace sucking a scorpion.

It was all I could do not to make scary theme tune sounds, “dum dum duuuuum!!!” But I didn’t want to piss off my beloved little brother whose son was being washed clean of original sin and all.

During the actual water pouring bit, he invited the other children to come up to the alter and stand around the font to get a better look. My children wanted to go to be with their little cousins, whom they hadn’t had a chance to say hello to yet. So they joined the rest of the children, and watched the process with interest. As it ended, we were all invited to say the lord’s prayer. I was ticked to see my 2 little interlopers infesting the sacred space with their free and enquiring minds, and their inability to parrot the senseless words with their hands pressed in front of them in that classic pious catholic child pose, most commonly found on first communion days.

My 9 year old daughter questioned me about the ritual later. Why was it thought necessary? I talked about Genesis and the story of Adam and Eve, original sin, the tree of knowledge, all that stuff, She was intrigued that knowledge was thought of as something to be feared. I told her my idea that the story refers to humans evolving to gain consciousness, self knowledge and awareness, together with an understanding of their own mortality. She couldn’t believe that the religion teaches that new babies are inherently impure and tainted by original sin. She asked me a question that stopped me cold.

Why had I done that that to her and her brothers?

It was easy to explain that I believed that stuff when they were babies, but now I didn’t. We talked about alternative ways a family could welcome a new baby, with a non-religious naming ceremony for example, and we discussed suitable songs and readings for such an event. She said that if she ever has a baby, that’s what she will do.

New blog title

I have changed the title of this blog. I haven’t written anything for ages, since anything I felt like writing didn’t fit with the title I had previously. Choosing Atheism felt restrictive, like I could write only about my deconversion and related topics.

In the short time since I chose to identify as atheist, at least to myself, I’ve just accepted it and moved on with life. It’s not such a big deal, but at the same time it has been tremendously liberating. It has lead to small but significant changes in my parenting. I am resolved to be honest and open with my children.

So my children are to be raised without religion, which is still quite rare where I live, and certainly amongst my extended family. I renamed to blog to fit with this, getting-on-with-life role. I don’t have a paid job. I care for and educate my 3 children full time at home. I’m just your everyday, ordinary, godless Mammy.

Funeral Rhetoric

A friend from school days died; it was suicide. When I found out, I drove the 100 miles to be with the family, to support one of my best friends, and a close relative of the deceased. I did my best to console them, without once using words I don’t mean. We reminisced, sometimes laughed, sometimes cried.

Later I went to the funeral, held in a packed catholic church. I was filled with grief for my friend and the mourning and shocked family left behind. The service added a new emotion; anger at the worthless words and empty rhetoric from the altar. I hope these same words gave comfort to her mother and relatives for their comfort was infinitely more important than mine on that occasion. But for the first time in ages, I was at a catholic mass and really listening and thinking about what was said;

“Into your hands, Father of mercies, we commend our sister in the sure and certain hope that, together with all who have died in Christ, she will rise with him on the last day.”

What does this even mean? It makes sense to say, ‘I certainly hope…’ but how can you have ‘certain hope’. You’re either certain, or hopeful, not both.

How do they know for sure she ‘died in Christ.’

If I were to die soon, my own father, who is catholic, would hear these words and all the others like it in every catholic mass, and over and over again be told that I, his daughter, would miss out on the big post expiration party and family get together. Because be assured that I will not die ‘in Christ.’

The other line that grated most, was the one about ‘God has called her to himself.’

If that’s true, then god’s a bastard. If it was god who tormented her and made her suffer a terrible illness that led to a death far too early, then anyone who believes in him must see what an evil being he is.

However I don’t think god had anything to do with it. Non-existent entities can be exonerated of blame. It’s just a tragic thing that happened to happen. There are some reasons, some of which could have been avoided and all related to the society we live in. But it’s nothing to do with some magical being ‘calling her to him.’

I made my husband promise me that I will not have a catholic funeral. He is worried such a thing would be so extreme and unheard of in my extended family, that they might think it was just some odd idea of his. I have resolved to write this into my will, so my wishes will be respected and adhered to.

Hello again

It has been a very long time since I posted here. There are several reasons, but I hope to write more frequently this year.

I’ve done a lot of thinking over the holidays. Last year, 2007, brought about some major changes in my life, mostly in my world view. It’s the year I realised that I had to abandon my previously dearly held ideas of faith, religion and God. It’s when I realised that I am an atheist.

I’ve also read much about 3 other topics that most interest me, disability and attitudes surrounding it, home-education and how I’m raising and educating my children, and science and scepticism.

Happy New Year to anyone who happens to read this. I hope 2008 shakes you the hell up!

Can you de-convert others?

I was talking to a friend today. We’ve known each other for years and are very close, but for various reasons, we haven’t talked in months. Somehow the conversation got round to religion, and I told her that I now identify as an atheist. She had known me when I was 18 and a committed catholic girl, holding on to her faith in the big bad city of London. I reckon that I needed it then, as a link to home, a familiar and therefore comforting ritual in the midst of all the differences between small town, close family and a place I went off to knowing no-one.

While I was at university, one of my friends was friends with a guy doing a philosophy degree. He was a clever and sometimes engaging man, but a bit up himself, and he used to tease me about my religion. I never talked about it except when asked, I was the opposite of evangelical, and found the Christian Union people who’d approach strangers to talk about Jesus, alien and irritating. I did have a small crucifix on my wall, however. My Mum had given it to me. She worried about me in ‘godless London’. She needn’t have worried so much, not then anyway.

So this friend of a friend philosopher saw my crucifix one day and thought it hilarious. He acted like a total prick, haranguing me for being so gullible as to believe that crap. I do not think that I was anywhere near ready at that stage of my life, to turn against all that I’d be raised to believe were the most important things in life; my relationship with god and my faith. I had been convinced by everyone I trusted and respected that this was true, and I had no real reason to doubt them.

Had this amateur philosopher tried to talk to me respectfully, he may have been able to sow a few slow germinating seeds of doubt. I don’t know, I may even then have ignored what he had to say. But he saw fit to scoff at my private, quiet set of beliefs. Actually, in writing this, I am reminded that there has long been a contempt among some English people, for the Irish. I’d imagine this young man thought of me as a typical, ignorant paddy. Unlike him, I knew I was ignorant and was out to educate myself over time.

I remember this when I talk to anyone who still has faith. If they bring the discussion to me, I will respond as I see fit. But I will not try to convince anyone who doesn’t ask my opinion, to leave religion. Someone I am very close to still believes. I was talking to her about my recent reading material, and recommended the books. But she doesn’t want to read them, doesn’t want to have her faith shaken. She may change her mind later, and she certainly will not criticise these books the way some people have, without reading them first. She may stick to her religion, but there is a good chance that she will question and consider and that is the only way for someone raised strongly religious, to take this path.

Anyway, she knows that I, who was at least as religious as herself, have chosen to identify as atheist. And I’m a reasonable, decent person, (I think), rather than the smug gits I had as examples of lack of belief.

Suffering

Some mornings while I’m clearing the kitchen, I listen to a phone in show on local radio. I know I shouldn’t. This is Northern Ireland. The people who contact that show tend to be middle aged, narrow minded and very religious, of either the catholic or protestant flavour. Thankfully I have very low blood pressure, or I might be unwell after half an hour of the bile and bollocks that’s usually aired. It makes me want to scoop up my children and run far away, to a land where there is reason and logic, respect, decency and tolerance. Instead I hear petty squabbles over religion and members of the populace viewing for the title of MOPE (Most Oppressed People Ever). Sometimes there’s something seriously worrying discussed, like the terrorist shootings of police officers, and I wonder if we will slide back to the violence and stupidity of the really bad old days. Today, people were ringing in to discuss the awful death of 7 people, 5 of them children, in a house fire yesterday.

I listened to a minister, a priest and others defending God, for his failure to prevent these horrible deaths. It sickened me to hear views that we should continue to put our trust in God, because he suffers right along side us. The show’s presenter tackled the religious callers about the kind of God who would allow such a thing to happen. One man complained that we do not have faith enough in the good times, so we have no right to complain in the hard times. A woman said that god would comfort the remaining family, and that through this tragedy, many other lives may be saved as people all over the country are prompted to check their evacuation plan. I don’t think that the loss of those 7 lives is expiated by the rest of us making home safety checks. A good advertising campaign could have done the same thing.

I didn’t hear anyone present the opinion that the actions, or lack of actions from an imaginary presence is irrelevant in this tragedy, though I didn’t hear the whole show.

That such a terrible thing has happened, is not proof that there is no god. But the way believers try to rationalise the notion of a benign and loving father-god, omniscient and omnipotent, with such sad events, is telling. ‘It’s a mystery’ they say. ‘It brings us closer to God.’ ‘We share in the suffering of Christ.’ ‘Look to the scriptures for answers.’

Well I don’t believe it. Bad things happen. This is the only life we all get, and we need to make the best of it here and now. It’s not all going to be OK in the next life. I don’t believe there will be a judgement day or that those who suffered will have their eternal reward.

It may sound bleak, but I think it’s empowering. The power to make a difference lies entirely with us. We don’t have to passively wait to see what god’s plan for us is, we take full control and make our own choices. I know all about the doctrine of free-will, but that’s supposed to apply in ‘this life’ only, and believers think that the Big Fella still has a plan for them.

I offer my deepest sympathies to the bereaved family for their terrible loss.

Talking to Family

I was at a family wedding last summer. At the reception, one of my aunts was asking after my children, enquiring about my eldest’s first communion. I told her that she wouldn’t be making it, that we don’t go to church any more. She was really surprised, and a little disappointed. She asked why we wouldn’t let the children go through with these ceremonies, and bring them up as even nominally catholic. She acknowledged that her own children and many (perhaps most) of my cousins are not particularly committed catholics, but they still send their children to catholic schools, go to mass now and then and their children still do the relevant sacraments. I explained that we actually don’t believe in god any more, and after thinking about it all very long and hard, this is the path we’re taking.

Now I’m very fond of this aunt, and she of me. She was respectful and curious if a bit saddened I think. Another more elderly relative had asked the same question abut my daughter, and I’d evaded giving her a straight answer. Later however when we were talking, this same woman had revealed the trouble she had when she was younger and just married. She has since childhood, had a serious chronic illness and needs daily medication. Her doctors had warned her that pregnancy would be dangerous for her. However, since the catholic teaching was to avoid artificial contraception, she did become pregnant. Thankfully she got through it OK and her baby was fine. A second pregnancy followed, and she spent most of it in hospital, but again, she and her baby were fine at the end. Her doctors were adamant that she didn’t risk it again. She had been to see her priest several times to explain the situation and to have his permission to use contraceptives, but he’d always said she couldn’t go against church teaching. She tried again, telling him that the doctors warned her that a 3rd pregnancy could well kill her, and asking the priest if he thought she’d be better of dead and leaving her children motherless than using contraception. The priest confirmed that yes, it would be better to die for her beliefs than to sin. Thankfully, she ignored this disgusting advice, had no more children and lived, unlike this poor woman. I know she had other priests support her later, and she didn’t turn against the church but is still a practising catholic.

As I said, my aunt was surprised at my position. She said I was the last person from my generation of the family, she thought would lose the faith. I had been the ‘holy’ one. I had continued to go to mass even when I went to university in London. I took it all more seriously than most. But that to me explains exactly why I have made this choice. It was serious to me. I used to pray and meditate and read and ponder. And that led me to atheism.

What do you do about bible bashers?

I got a couple of those crazy comments on my posts, written by someone describing him/herself as a christian, and gleefully telling me that me and my children would roast on a BBQ spit in hell for all eternity, where we wouldn’t even have friends dropping ice cubes down to us. (WTF?) Wow! I have never directly encountered a full on fundie rant before and it’s bloody strange. Apparently, I never was a proper christian to begin with, because I had been a catholic. I’ve been exhorted to get my self down to a born again xian church asap to save my soul from eternal damnation. I have to admit, my knee jerk reaction to this was to feel offended for the slur on catholicism; I did grow up catholic in Northern Ireland after all!

Now while it’s funny to have a couple of badly expressed garbage comments from someone in Texas, USA, I don’t want to have to deal with these people every time I write. I didn’t approve these comments, but I don’t like censorship either. What do others do about such people? Do you recommend I just allow them through but then ignore them (DFTT) or do you actually respond to these folk? I am willing to engage with people disagreeing with me if their comments are relevant to the post and if they are decently polite and relatively sane.

The Atheist Blogroll

I’ve joined the 450 + blogs that make up the Atheist Blogroll. There’s bound to be a some fantastic sites I have yet to discover on there. No doubt there will be some that I vehemently disagree with too, after all, the only thing I have in common with those other bloggers is lack of faith in any type of god.

The total list is too huge to put in my side bar, so here they all are. Spread the LOVE baby!

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1 2 3 Religious Comics
2 Intellectual Atheists
A Daily Dose of Doubt
A Hint of Neurosis
A Human Mind
A Load of Bright
A Night on the Tiles
A Veritable Plethora
A Whore in the Temple of Reason
A-Deistic
AA
Aardvarchaeology
AASAUF
About: Agnosticism / Atheism
Abstract Nonsense
Aces Full of Links
acrylic.
Action Skeptics
AEsahaettr
After Faith
Agnostic Atheism
aidan maconachy blog
Ain’t Christian
Al-Kafir Akbar!
Alexander the Atheist
Alien Atheist
Am I mad, or is the world?
Amused Muse
An Atheist Homeschooler
An Enlightened Observer
And That’s How You Live With A Curse
Anders Rasmussen Blog
Angels Depart
Angry Astronomer
Answers in Genesis BUSTED!
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Atheism and Coffee
Atheism is the Rational Response
Atheism Online
atheism | simra.net
Atheism: Proving The Negative
Atheist Armaments
Atheist Blogs Aggregated
Atheist Ethicist
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Atheist Housewife
Atheist Hussy
Atheist Movies
Atheist Revolution
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Atheist Self
Atheista
Atheisthought
atheistperspective.com
AtheisTube
atheoi.ORG
Austin Atheist Anonymous
Author of Confusion
Axis of Jared
Aye!
Ayrshire Blog
Babble, bullshit, blasphemy and being.
Bay of Fundie
Beaman’s World
Beep! Beep! It’s Me.
Ben’s Place
Bert’s Blog
BHA Science Group
Bible Study for Atheists
biblioblography
Bill’s View
Bitchasaurus
bits of starstuff
Bjorn & Jeannette’s Blog
Black Sun Journal
Bligbi
Blog of the Big E
Blogue de Mathieu Demers
blurp
Bob Kowalski
Born Again Atheist
brainstorms
brokencats
Buridan’s Ass
By The Book Comics
cabhara’s zeitgeist
Can’t make a difference
CaroLINES
CHADMAC Speaks
Choosing Atheism
Christian Follies
CHRISTIAN PWNAGE 101
Church of Integrity
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Circular Reasoning
Cogita Tute – Think For Yourself
Coming Out Godless
Complete Materialist
Confessions of an Anonymous Coward
Cosmic Variance
Crazy Christian Blog
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Culture for all
Daily Atheist
DAILY BBG
Dark Christianity
Dark Matter, USA
Dark Side of Mars
Darwin’s Dagger
Daylight Atheism
Debunking Christianity
Deep Thoughts
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Deus ex Absurdum
Deutschland Uber Elvis
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Diary of a Teenage Atheist
Die Eigenheit
Dime a dozen
disambiguation
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Disgusted Beyond Belief
Dispatches from the Culture Wars
do not read this blog
Dorset Humanists blog
Dr. Joan Bushwell’s Chimpanzee Refuge
Drunken Tune
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Duplicitous Primates
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Edward T. Babinski
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Everyday Atheism
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Everything Is Pointless
Evolution
EvolutionBlog
ExChristian.Net
Exercise in Futility
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Fire Jesus
Fish Wars on Cars
Five Public Opinions
Five Public Opinions: I demand a recount!
Flex Your Head
Flumadiddle
Free Mind Joe
free Thoughts
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Freethought vs. Friel-Thought
Freethought Weekly
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Geoff Arnold
Gimme Back My God!
God Be Gone – Atheist News
God is for Suckers!
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godisajoke.com
Godless Kiwi
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godlessgeek
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Greg Hartnett
Happy Jihad’s House of Pancakes
Hayleys Paranormal Blog
Heathen.TV
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Interesting
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izzworld dot net
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olio
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“Atheism Sucks” sucks

Raising Children Without God

My children were all baptised, and started their lives going to church each week. My eldest was about 5 when we stopped this habit, though she has been with me a few times since then. We have all been present at a few religious ceremonies linked to family occasions as well. My husband and I have decided that we can live very well without any church or religion, and that our children do not need it.

None of our children have made their first communion or been to confession. We thought for a long time about whether or not we should have a tentative link to religion, letting the children go through with these ceremonies just to be part of a community or to follow family traditions. But to do that, I’d have to bring them to religious instruction at the church for a series of one hour lessons. And I knew, there was no way I was going to have some priest fill their heads with nonsense. These sacraments are not just about a nice day out, they are about propagating the faith, sucking the children in to the ‘fold’.

Not my children.

I am much happier that I’ve made a firm decision about these things. I can raise them quite well without the interference of the catholic church. We have our own family traditions like movie nights with popcorn and fizzy drinks, walks on Sunday mornings, doing sports together and visiting the children’s grandmother on Saturday afternoons. We celebrated Halloween this year by decorating the house with creepy pictures, then the children dressed up and we went to a funfair, and at night we all sat together to watch a spooky film. We have not been to any church service at Christmas for years, but we love Christmas for the presents, food, decorations, visiting friends and family, parties and even the carols and corny Christmas songs.

My children have a fantastic cultural heritage from both parents and have relatives all over the world. They are fascinated by how we met and what things were like when we and their grandparents were young. They have a terrific sense of who they are and where they fit in in the world.

They are moral, kind, empathetic and thoughtful. They question me far more than I ever questioned my parents. I do not expect blind obedience from them, but we respect each other and when we inevitably make mistakes, we apologise and get on with things.

They are being raised to glory in the wonder of life on earth. They have fun and act silly and hang out with friends. They learn about various religions and their teachings and stories, just as they learn about the mythology of Ireland, the Greeks and Romans, and various African and Caribbean myths.

They are doing fine without any kind of God.